What I Wish Was Sexy.

I saw something on tv the other day that made me think, "Why can't that be sexy?" I don't remember exactly what it was, but it got me thinking, why aren't more of the things that I think are sexy, well, sexy?

Let's start with my My Mom outfit. You know, yoga pants with last weeks a tank. I mean, it's such a comfortable outfit. And I firmly believe that by wearing pants that are associated with some type of workout, I too am getting a workout.


Old Navy Tee



Last weeks spa manicure at home manicure. With Chips and all. I'd show a picture, but you'd never talk to me again. Oh, and I have sparkly nails right now too, because a certain two year old thinks Essie's silver nail glitter is the best.freaking.thing.ever., so she had to have her Mommy wearing it too.

Stuffing your face with chocolate. I mean, it comes from a bean, so I consider chocolate healthy. And what's not sexy about stuffing your face with something healthy? I rest my case.

Laying in bed all day and being lazy. Freaking overachievers and people who are all, "I ran my eleventy billion miles this morning and saw the sun rise! Now off to the farmers market and to run errands with the fam! Yay me!" and it's not even SEVEN IN THE MORNING. Those types of people make me and my slothness look unsexy.

Chubby thighs. My daughter had pudgy thighs as a baby and ohmygawd were they delicious legs. But, she's two now, and she runs around and plays and frolicks and does whatever two year olds are supposed to do. So, her pudgy thighs? Pretty much non-existent at this point. But my thighs? They're still there! Ready to jiggle when I run! And follow me everywhere! And why can't my chubby thighs be as cute as baby thighs? I metan, mine are only a few years older. Cut me some slack.

Cursing when annoyed. I admit, I have a potty mouth when I'm in a foul mood. I admit it. I know it's not lady-like behavior. And I was raised in a home where cursing rarely happened. But, I do it. And it should be considered sexy. Because I f#@*!%$ said so.

Unshaved legs. Well, I think this is a stretch. In fact, never mind. Hairy legs isn't sexy and I agree with that. I shave yearround.

Frizzy/undone hair. I think the world would be a happier place if women didn't have to primp for three thousand hours before we go to the supermarket, gas station, etc., Since I had M? I could not care less about what I look like. Which, now that I think about it, isn't sexy either. Whatever. My point is, if women were told that they are sexy based on how they look immediately upon leaving the shower, then the world would be happier. And people wwomen wouldn't be late to appointments as often... just sayin.

Baby Bellies, sans Baby. My trouble area has always been my tummy. I FINALLY got a six pack from working out for two hours every single day for months and months and then I got pregnant. Bye-bye six-pack flat stomach. Hello big belly that knocks things over on tables and hides pieces of brownie underneath it (true story, that really happened. shame) It's been two years since I had M, and although my stomach is considerably smaller than when I was pregnant, I definitely think my abs have said, "Sayonara! I'm playing hide and go seek, so I'll be hiding a while!" And that's not sexy. But it should be. Because I grew a baby. And damn it, I deserve to have a big ole' belly if I want one and have it considered sexy.

Rocking Out To Carly Rae At The Top Of Your Lungs When You Just Turned 30 Years Old. Her lyrics are catchy, you know that. And I can't help it that I like teeny-bopper music. It's just a shame that I'm not considered sexy while listening to a 13 year old's favorite song and using my hairbrush as my microphone.

What am I missing?