Finding Out

I've delayed writing the posts about finding out I was pregnant, while being pregnant, and M'z birth story, a lot of times. And by almost a year, in fact. I've thought about writing this post and then I get nervous and don't do it...

My sister has three kids. My brother has one. I had never planned on having any.

Kids are a lot of work and well, as a teacher, I liked being able to give the kids back at the end of the day. I loved my nephews more than life itself, but I just never thought I had it in me to be a Mom. And to be a good Mom, at that. I never had the urge so many women have of, "I want children! Lots of them!"

I just never felt that. In fact, I always felt the complete opposite. I didn't want kids. Although I'll admit here, though I've never told anyone in person, that I'd thought about having kids with hubs.

But? I still didn't think I'd have kids.

Christmas of 2009 was the first Christmas I spent with hubs' family. After 12 years, it was the first one. Seeing hubs with his nephews and how happy he was just 'being' with his family made me fall in love with him all over again. He admitted, many months later, that he fell in love with me all over again after seeing me with his family.

Ironic? :)

That evening at dinner, in front if everyone, hubs' Mom said, "SEL, we need to talk."

Uhh, no we don't, actually!, I thought.

"Okay!" I said, and promptly helped clean up the table and brought plates into the kitchen.

"SEL, I want my son to be happy. I want him to have children. He wants children. You've been together a long time now. Why no kids?"

umm? It's none of your business?, I thought to myself.

"Actually, I don't want children. Your son knows and understands this," I replied, laughing towards the end to try to lessen the seriousness of the awkward conversation.

Her world must've stopped. My
MIL looked at me, turned back to the sink and said, "Then I want my son to be with someone else who wants kids."

I had nothing in my mind to respond. I simply had nothing.

I was crushed.

Later that evening, apparently, MIL told hubs to find someone else that wants kids. That I'm a great person, but to let someone else have me....

Over the next month, we moved along, living life and starting a new year.

Towards the end of January of 2010, I had an appointment with a good friend who is a personal trainer. I left hubs' place and went to the appt. I'd been working out for 2 hours everyday and wanted the last "toning" part of working out to finally shine through.

During the workout, I was on my back, my stomach, my sides....

After the hour workout sesh, I called my sister. I told her how I randomly started feeling queasy during the part of the workout where I was on my tummy. After divulging that seemingly innocent factoid, the convo went like this:

Sis: any other symptoms?
Me: what? Symptoms of what? It was probably the pressure of being on my belly
Sis: has that happened before while working out?
Me: well, no. Not really. Maybe cause I'm pushing myself harder than ever!

Mind you, I still have no freaking clue what my sister is alluding to.

Sis: are you feeling okay?
Me: well yeah, of course. Except I've been congested. And then suddenly I'll get a bloody nose. I've never had that before. A lot of bloody noses. Weird huh! I guess it's the weather!

**crickets**

Sis: SEL, get a pregnancy test
Me: bwahahahaaaaaa.

Silence

Me: bwahahahaaaaaa. (yes I laughed again)

Me: wait, what? No way! I'm not pregnant, sis. There's no way!
Sis: really? There's no way?
Me: ........................

I picked up a pregnancy test on my way home from the gym. I got home at 10:18. My parents were already in bed. Hubs was at his place for the night.

I took a fancy schmancy electronic pregnancy test.

positive.

That's not possible. It's just not possible, I thought.

I called my sister and told her the news. It was 10:22 pm on January 25th. She and my bil extended many congratulations and I? I was in shock.

I figured the test was wrong so I did what any normal person does the day after finding out they're pregnant. I got another test and too that one. It was positive.

I was pregnant.