Just One More Moment

A year ago yesterday. It's been an entire year since I last saw you.

I've had some terribly weak moments since you passed away. I have pictures of you and Grandpa on the fridge. Only recently do I not tear up every single time I see the pics.

It's been a rough year, emotionally. Losing you and Grandpa within 9.5 months of each other was so hard. It still is.

I think of you and Grandpa every day.

I wear the ring you set aside for me, from your Grandma, often. I hung the fur coat you wanted me to have in the front closet so I can always have you near.

I miss you so much.

I called your house to hear your or Grandpa's voice on the answering machine but the number was already "invalid".

That hurt. A lot.

I've read through letters we mailed each other through the years. I loved your handwriting. I don't know if I ever told you that.

M is growing so beautifully, so wonderfully. You fell in love with her as soon as you saw her.







My last celebration with you was your birthday.




You always loved your chocolate! Something you passed down to your granddaughters and great granddaughter.

The last time I saw you alive was April 10, 2011.

You looked stunning, as always.




I talk about you to M and The Husband, often. They love hearing stories about you.

It was hard to talk about you for a while. I just wanted to pick up the phone and call you. To hear your voice. But I knew I couldn't. I'm sorry I didn't call you more before 2011. I never told you that.

Your funeral hurt so so bad. I spoke at it. The audience was asked if anyone wanted to speak. My Dad spoke. My Mom spoke. Aunt Ellen spoke. Since neither my brother or sister stood up, I did.

I spoke for all three of us. I told the audience how loved you were. How you always had food out to greet us. How you always had a smile on your face. How you always showed us and Grandpa your newest manicure. Or your newest hairdo. I told of how, when you came to watch any of my siblings or I, you'd go out and get us a happy meal from McDonalds, even though my parents thought you were giving us something healthy. :) I never told you my favorite memories of us. I should've and I'm sorry I didn't.

You just oozed happiness. Which makes my childhood memories of you so bright and cheery and, ironically, makes missing you so much harder.

You were such an integral part of my life. You made such an influence on who I am today. Thank you.

I know you're having fun in Heaven with Grandpa. I know you're smiling down on us and missing us, too.

And I know it's selfish to wish you were back here on Earth with us.

But I wish I could hear your voice just one more time. Or see your smile. Or see you dolled up in your fancy jewelry and pearls.

I could use just one more moment to say I Love You. Just one more moment to say I Miss You. Just one more moment to say how important you are to me. Just one more moment with you.

Just a moment with my Grandma B.

I love you and miss you terribly.

xo