Tis The Season, Without The Jolly

Remember this post? Many of you commiserated with me on my gripes about things. And I totally appreciated that I wasn't alone in my complaining.

But before you think, "Wow, is she really complaining about things during the Holiday Season? What a scrooge!", know that I really did wake up with a smile on my face this beautiful Thursday morning. But, these annoyances have been brewing in my head for a while and I need to air them. So, lucky you!

1.) People that bath in perfume/cologne.
Look, people. I like to smell nice just as much as the next guy gal. But, do I need to be able to smell you before you enter a room? I have an extreme hyper-sensitivity to about 95% of perfumes/colognes. So while you're oozing out chemicals galore, you're also sending me to the nearest restroom with visions of puking dancing in my head. Also? You gave me a first class ticket to migraine-ville. Tip: with perfume? Less is more.

2.) You're not worth anything if you don't have debt.
The Husband and I, unbeknownst to the other, closed ALL of our individual credit cards back in 2006. Seriously. We did it around the same time as each other, but we were on a "break", (oh teenage drama!) so we didn't know about the other's doings. Fast forward several years when we got married and we had no debt! We were free! Yay! Except, in America? You aren't worth anything if you don't owe someone money.  You have no "credit". It's sickening, if you think about it. You're only reliable if you owe someone money.

3.) Helicopter Parents
I know, I know. I'm part of what's wrong with society when a Mom is judging another Mom. But I'm being honest here - being a helicopter mom is no bueno. I have seen it from the parent perspective as well as the teacher perspective - it does not benefit the child when you literally hover over them with each.and.every.single.step. they take. Kids get scrapes and bruises. They fall. They make mistakes. But you know what? They still get back up. They still play. They still learn a lesson. Kids are resilient like that. Let them be what they are -a kid.

4.) Starbucks b1g1 free
Boo to that coffee mecca and their not-really-but-I'll-buy-into-it-sale. I got the email this morning that they're offering the b1g1 free holiday drink special from 2-5 pm today. You're welcome for sharing the news. (or should I say sorry for telling of the sale to you folks who feign for it and this just made your addiction worse?) My problem with Starbucks is this: YOU'RE DRINKS ARE TOO EXPENSIVE. I can make 15,6392 drinks with my keurig before I reach the price of ONE holiday drink. Maybe you think I'm exaggerating. And perhaps I am a little bit. But, you get my point. And OF COURSE my gold card finally arrived last week. So now I HAVE to use it so I feel important and part of the cool hipster crowd. Damn you Starbucks and making me feel like I need to be a part of your too-expensive coffee-addicted audience.

5.) Old People in the DIY Checkout Lane
In my last list of gripes, I wrote about people with more than 10 items in the 10 items or less lane. Now? It's people who are 65+ in the scan-your-own-items lane. I'm not a mean person, I swear. And I really do love old people. I used to want to work in geriatrics, actually! But, if you have to a.) squint to see what you're holding so you can scan it, b.) can't find the place to put your 28 coins to pay (which actually happened with the lady in front of me. I COUNTED) or c.) need help scanning and bagging everything, which defeats the entire purpose of the DIY checkout lane, then please, FOR THE LOVE, go to a cashier to checkout.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out after waiting in life, for, get this, twenty minutes, for the 80 year old lady to finish her checkout process.

6.) Old People Drivers
I figure since I already made myself sound like a complete asshole, I may as well continue to harp on old people. And, I'll state again for the record, I do love old people. Just not as much when they're checking out at the grocery store on their own, or when they drive.

I think everyone should be able to drive. It should totally be added to the Constitution as a basic human right. But, if you can't see over the steering wheel, reach the pedals, turn your neck enough to look out your sideview mirrors, or you need two phonebooks to sit on so you can see over the steering wheel? Your time has come to relinquish the drivers license, old man.

7.) Haters of the Stick Figure Family Cars
I always thought those little stickers were so cute. And I often contemplated getting one of me, and one each for Romeo and Babe Ruth, and slapping those babies on my SUV. Until I realized it may lessen my chances of The Husband to propose.

Anyway.

For Channukah in 2010, The Husband got me stick figures to put on the car. But I decided I wanted personalized ones instead. I found some I liked on Etsy, but never got around to ordering them. But I still may. I don't understand why people don't like the stickers, though. Do you really care how many stickers are on someones car? You get irritated when you see four kid stickers, two dog stickers, one cat sticker, a mom, a dad and a turtle at the end? Then, you're probably a cold-hearted person. The end.

8.) Facebook

I'm not addicted to facebook like it seems so many others are. I go on the site maaaaaaybe twice a week. I used to go on twice a month. I don't understand the allure of facebook and honestly, don't really care what people are saying about the current state of their dinner plate, "Wow! I ate a fatty burger with juicy oil-dripping fries! Yum!" or the recent bowel movement success of their toddler, "Yay! Poopy McPooperson went on the potty today! A number 2! See for yourself!"

Because evidently, if you don't snap a picture of your food and post a picture of it, it was never eaten. And if your kid went number 2 in the potty, and you don't share that grossness with the entire world, your kid didn't really use his spiderman potty.

Barf.

9.) Kate Middleton Obsessed Folks
I didn't stay up to watch the royal wedding. I prefer sleep, thankyouverymuch. I don't follow the tabloids about her. I don't sit and wonder, "*Sigh*, when will I get to hear more about the current state of Kate's uterus!" I know, I'm a horrible person for not being obsessed with a royal baby. But, I guess I wonder why so many people care about her being pregnant when she has no idea they even exist? Kate is her own person, going through life in the public eye. I get it. But let her be. Don't comment on every single thing she does, says, wears. It makes you look creepy. And obsessed. And that's even more creepy.

10.) Aggressive Dogs and Ignorant Owners
I have a story coming up for you about this. But until then, know I'm a dog person. I mean, I have two of my own! But, if your dog bites my husband or child? I will do every thing in my power to get your dog out of my neighborhood. And if you're too distracted to realize what your dog is trying to do? I'll try to get you out of the neighborhood, too. I have no idea how to do that, but I'll try. Because you and your aggressive dog? Suck.

Amen.