It Drives Me Crazy

We all have things in life we can't control. I'm not talking about the weather, our genes or what crazy ish Lindsay Lohan is going to pull next how often we come into contact with stupid people.

I'm talking about the little everyday things that we can't control. Or at least, I have been unable to control.

I've decided to make a list of these little things that bother me because The Husband probably doesn't want to hear my complaining anymore I'm hoping someone can tell me these are normal annoyances? Or at least someone tell me you can empathize?

1.) Someone has more than 10 items in the 10 ITEMS OR LESS LANE.
I honestly think this should be a crime. Violators do not pass go, do no collect $200. If I'm in this supposed-to-be-fast lane, why are you putting your eleventy thousand items on the belt? I have a two year old that wants to touch every candy in this aisle and wants to run outside at the same time. GO TO THE CORRECT LANE.

2.) The Husband's Socks.
I can not describe the love I have for this man, My Husband. My handsome, sexy, smart, athletic, driven, passionate man. So why, WHY, do I find a single, or even pair if I'm lucky!, of his socks near the hamper, DAILY. The socks aren't on his side of the bed. They're not in another room. They're not in my path so I trip over them. They are a mere inches from the hamper. Inches. Is this a tease? Or does he throw them in the closet with his eyes closed and he hasn't mastered the distance yet? I'm not sure of the answer, to be honest.

3.) Dishes That Come Out Of the Dishwasher Unclean.
Last I checked, the job of this huge piece of machinery was to clean my dishes. So, why, darling Kenmore, are you giving me the occasional dirty fork? Or plate? It's gross. And honestly? I hate washing dishes by hand. So, you're pretty much failing at your only job and about to get kicked to the curb.

4.) Glitter. And Sparkles.
Having a daughter may make me more susceptible to having this in the house over boy moms, but ohmygawd why does glitter and sparkles get into every.single.crevice. of my life. It's the herpes of arts and crafts. I'm convinced.

5.) Food/Drink Delayers.
These are a special breed of people, I've found. They're the ones that make you wait to order food at a restaurant because they just "haven't decided what to order yet." You? That feeling in your belly? It's because your stomach is eating itself because you've been waiting a decade and a half for the Food Delayer to order their food. This rule applies to people who order drinks at Starbucks, too. If you don't know what you want, step back two feet and let those who need their caffeine fix to get their caffeine fix.

6.) Chatty Cathy's.
Look, I'm a talker. I have a lot of useless things to say. I get it. But, do you REALLY have to strike up a conversation with me about my daughters shoes and bows? I'm glad you like her outfit, it's sweet of you to tell me. But while you're trying to tell me how you just ordered a dozen bows for your granddaughter and now you'll have to find the same shoes my daughter is wearing, I'm trying to prevent her from running into various stores. Or the street. Or poking the guys dog in the eyeball at the next table over.

7.) Bully Kid's With Non-Parenting Parents.
These people make my blood pressure rise. These are the parents that are too busy on their phone at the park to see that their asshole kid just pushed my daughter down because she wasn't moving fast enough. The parent that acts as though their child does no wrong, therefore, my daughter must've thrown the rock at herself. Because she's super talented for only being two years old. I don't enjoy parenting someone else's kid. I don't really know a parent that wants to do that. So, perhaps put your phone away for a minute (or two), and engage with your child. Play with them. And keep them away from my kid.

8.) Politics.
I'm all for people going after their dreams. If your dream is to become a doctor? Great. If your dream is to become an astronaut? More power to ya. If your dream is to become POTUS? Cool. But simmer down on the insults. It's not nice and makes you look, well, childish. And I shouldn't have to say something about the candidates that I said to my high school students.

9.) Cold Showers.
I just, I don't know. These horrible things called "Cold Showers" come from when you're so excited to shower! alone! with warm water!, and then a Toddler comes and wants to open the bathroom door to say HI MAMA, letting hurricane type of cold wind come rushing into the shower. Or when The Husband comes by to ask what should be made for dinner, and all you're thinking is, "CLOSE THE FREAKING DOOR." I've also found these "Cold Showers" come when a disaster happens in the house (like dinner is spilled all over the floor) AFTER you've turned the water on to warm up. So, by the time you get to your heavenly alone spot of shower-dom, the water is ice.cold.

10.) Complainers.
Heh. Ironic, huh? ;)