Phantom Grandma

I feel like sometimes, memories are a curse. You remember things you don't always want to. Often, you remember things that later make your heart hurt. Like of loved ones. I know I'm not the only one.

On Wednesday, after M's gym class, we walked to the supermarket (it's all in a strip mall) and did some shopping. We started turning into a check out lane but an elderly woman was pulling in as well.

I love old people and, we weren't in a rush, so I let the old woman go ahead of us.

As I was watching her put her items on the belt thingy, I noticed her hair was gray. The same color my Grandma B's was in her last few years. Like a silvery-gray. My heart got a little heavy.

I miss my Grandma B.

I continued to watch this lady, and I started to notice details. Her hair was curly.

Just like my Grandma's.

She smiled the entire time she was putting her groceries on the belt. Smiling to herself. A "I'm a happy person" smile.

My Grandma would do that. Just smile to smile.

I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was wearing pearls.

My Grandma wouldn't be seen without some type of pearls on her.



(She's wearing a pearl necklace in this picture. This was the first time M and my Grandma B met.)

I then noticed the most obvious thing on this lady. She was wearing a fur coat. Not only did my Grandma wear couture fur coats, but my sister and I both inherited one after she passed away in September.

The cashier said to me no less than three times, "Ma'am? Register 5 is open. Ma'am?"

I heard the cashier. But I wasn't listening.

When the elderly lady finished putting her five or six items on the belt, she looked directly at me and said, "Whew! Lots of items!"

Then she looked at M and said, "how cute!"

I smiled and before I could say "thank you!", the cashier ushered me to register 5 again.

This is going to sound so crazy. But, I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay by this lady. She was so similar to my Grandma.

She seemed so familiar.

We went to register 5 and as I paid, I looked over to see the old lady again. But she was gone. Not even the cashier was there.

I was so confused.

M and I rushed outside to get one more glimpse of the old lady that made me feel at peace. But she was nowhere to be found.

We walked along the sidewalk, looking in every car aisle. Nothing.

My heart sank.

I wanted to see the lady again. To see something so familiar that I don't have anymore.

But I couldn't find her.

So then I took out my phone to call my Grandparents to tell them what happened, to hear their voices, to say I miss them and I love them. But I can't.

And it hurts.