Time time time

It's June.

This time last year, we were in such a good place. We were packing up our condo, had our offer on a house accepted, and had a tentative closing date on our first house scheduled for July 1st.

It was summer weather, I was 7.5-8 months pregnant. We had just brought over the bins of baby clothes and bassinet to the condo. Everything had been in storage or at my parents house.

In fact, we had sorted through the baby clothes bins just the week prior to having Brielle.

This year, I have dreaded the month of June since the calendar turned to 2014.

I feared the extreme sadness. The grief overwhelming me. I feared the one year Angelversary of losing Brielle. (All the emotions are with me everyday anyway. Silly of me to think it would harder on any given day/week)

Unfortunately, I can't stop time. And so in a few weeks, it will be one year since I last felt Brielle. The last time I held her. Kissed her. Smelled her. The last time I thought a sweet little bundle of joy would be coming into our lives and having the best big sister in the world.

My husband and I have devoted ourselves to house projects, especially for this month. We have promised each other we will stay busy in a lousy attempt to distract ourselves from the pain.

Then I have July to worry about. Especially the beginning of the month. When we had to visit the funeral home to make arrangements for our daughter. When we had to lay our daughter to rest on July 8th, 2013.

I've also been occupying myself with honoring Brielle. My husband and I participated in the March for Babies on May 4th. We raised almost $3,000 to date. Fundraising doesn't end until Brielle's birthday, June 30th. I don't believe in coincidence, so I know this is something I was meant to do.

To those who did open their heart and donate a few dollars: thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. We wouldn't be where we are in our healing if it weren't for you. You're a blessing that we do not take for granted.